Amy: Uhhhhh…. Dental person?
No, that is incorrect. The word we were looking for is dentist.
True story. The other day, I actually could not come up with the word dentist while talking with a friend. I can’t believe that in less than 24 hours, I have to talk for a living! Talk in complete sentences. Using proper sentence structure. Using real words. And not delivering every line in a sing-songy voice. (Although Jasmina has asked me to keep the sing-songy voice, just for fun)
Tomorrow I’m back at work, after 14 months: two months of medical leave, and a year of maternity leave. Two months of lounging around on the couch being bored, and a year of wishing I just had a few seconds to sit down on the couch. I can’t believe it’s over. I can’t believe my babies are a year old and I’m going back to work.
I’m excited to go back. I’m terrified to go back. I’m thrilled to be going back to one of the best jobs in the world. I’m upset I won’t see Lucy and Sam’s smiles first thing in the morning. I’m happy. I’m sad. I’m happy. I’m sad.
I know I’m not the first mom to feel like this. I know I’m not the first mom to randomly burst into tears while walking through a park (or the living room, or the front yard, or Starbucks- that poor barista), the week leading up to her return to work. I’m not the first mom who is terrified of missing first steps, first words, first everythings.
And I know I’m not the first mom who feels guilty that she may actually be looking forward to going back to work…
All my friends say they went through the same thing: the excitement of spending the day with adults and feeling like a productive member of society again, the sadness of missing smiles, giggles and hugs. But they all assure me that it gets easier. My friend Nicole said her son cried almost as hard as she did her first day back to work, but within a couple weeks he was shoving her out the door so his day could start with his favourite babysitter.
So I know I’ll be okay. I know Lucy and Sam will be okay. It may just take a couple days. Or a couple of weeks…
Let’s cut ourselves some slack and say we should be in a groove by Christmas.
And maybe by then I’ll be able to remember the word dentist.